so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
