I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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