I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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