These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
