i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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