So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how can u be prego again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
