My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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