Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
