Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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