Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
