He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
