i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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