i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
