Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
