Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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