I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
