is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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