I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
