I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
