Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
