nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
