Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
