Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
foreskin is a definite game changer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
