How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
