Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
