Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
