I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
