at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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