Can i not drive my cunt home
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
