Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
