Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
