Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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