not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
