thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
