my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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