Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
