haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
