her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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