you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wear drunk well.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
