The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
