Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
