Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
