Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize