I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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