I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
