I wannas sexs uuuuu
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
