There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
