i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm always down for nudity.
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