Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
