life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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