So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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