The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
