do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
