so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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