he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
