You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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