Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
