I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
