I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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