What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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