I just cut my nipple shaving
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
