Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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