I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
