She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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