Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
