Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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