my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
