My room smells like vodka and shame
it wasn't lemon gatorade
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
