did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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