Small penises have feelings too.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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