no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
