Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize