I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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